6 Methods to Help Navigate Grief
by: Zambu Sakala
Grief is a powerful and complex emotion that can affect our mental health in many ways. It is a normal response to loss, but the process of coping with grief is different for everyone. Today we will explore the ways in which grief affects our mental health and I will provide some coping strategies that can help us navigate through the grieving process.
In 2018, I lost my mother. Like most mothers, she meant the world to me. At the time, I didn't fully comprehend the grieving process. However, as time passed, I realized that nobody had prepared me for the emotional roller coaster that follows a loss. It's unrealistic to expect someone to be okay just a week after such a significant event. This experience inspired me to make a promise to myself to speak more openly about grief, as it's a universal experience.
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Grief can have a significant impact on one’s mental health. It can cause feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, and anxiety. These emotions might be directed toward the world or even yourself. Personally my anger was directed at God. How could God take her? Why her? Such questions filled my mind. Later on I realized that maybe that anger was misdirected but it was still perfectly normal for me to feel that way. We may experience a range of emotions or we may also feel a sense of emptiness or numbness, as if we are just going through the motions of life. These emotions can be intense and overwhelming, making it difficult to engage in day-to-day activities.
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Not only are the emotions that come with grief overwhelming, but they can also affect our ability to function in our daily lives. Grief can cause physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, and difficulty sleeping. These symptoms can compound upon the emotional impact of grief, making it even more difficult to cope.
Another way in which grief affects our mental health is through its impact on our cognitive abilities. Grief can make it difficult to concentrate, remember things, and make decisions. This is because grief can be overwhelming, and our brains are simply not able to process all of the information that is coming in. It is important to be patient with yourself during this time and to understand that it is normal to feel forgetful or scattered.
One of the most challenging aspects of grief is its unpredictability. Grief is not a linear process, and it can come in waves. One moment we may feel fine, and the next we may be overwhelmed with sadness. This can make it difficult to plan ahead or to know how we will feel from one day to the next.
Our relationships can also be impacted. Grief can strain relationships with family and friends, as they may not know how to support us or may feel uncomfortable around us. Even when you are sharing a collective loss, differences in the way you grieve can cause a strain in the relationships you have with the fellow surviving mourners. It is important to communicate with our loved ones and to let them know how they can best support us during this time.
In addition to affecting our relationships with others, grief can also impact our relationship with ourselves. We may feel like we have lost a part of ourselves, or like we no longer know who we are without our loved one. This can lead to feelings of confusion or a sense of identity crisis. If the person you lost meant the world to you, it’s easy to think the world has ended and that might be how you genuinely feel but it’s important to remain hopeful for the future. You probably mean the world to someone close to you too.
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So how do we cope with grief? Here are 6 tools for coping:
Accepting your feelings is the key to coping with grief. It is okay to feel a wide range of emotions when you are grieving, and it is important to allow yourself to feel these emotions, even when it means breaking down and crying yourself to sleep at night. Suppressing your emotions will only make the grieving process more difficult, and possibly longer than it would have otherwise been.
Talk to someone about your grief, whether it be a friend, family member, or a therapist; talking about your feelings can help you process them and come to terms with your loss. Choose someone who is a good listener and who will not judge you for your emotions. Iit can be helpful to talk to someone who has gone through a similar experience, such as a support group.
Take care of yourself: Grieving can be exhausting, both physically and emotionally. Exercise especially helps because it releases endorphins, which can improve your mood and provide a temporary distraction from your grief.
Remember your loved one by honoring their memory. This can be done in many ways, such as creating a memorial, writing a letter to them, or participating in an event that was important to them. Remembering your loved one can help you feel connected to them even though they are no longer with you. It can also provide a sense of closure and help you move forward. For me, this meant writing poems in the form of letters to her, not in the belief that she would read them but that I was in my own way communicating with her. One thing which troubles a lot of people or at least troubled me is that at some point I couldn’t remember her voice, how could I forget her voice? It troubled me that I did, perhaps I was grieving wrongly. I later discovered that it’s normal to forget some aspects about your loved one, it doesn’t mean you love them any less.
Give yourself time: Grief is a process that takes time. There is no right or wrong timeline for how long it takes to grieve, and everyone’s process is different. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to go through the process at your own pace. I think it took close to 3 years for me to properly process my mother’s death, it does get better. My mother would talk about losing my grandfather who I had never met and I wouldn’t relate, I didn’t understand what it meant losing someone at that time but when I lost her I finally understood what she meant and what she was going through.
Practice self-compassion: It is important to be kind and gentle with yourself during this time. Treat yourself with the same level of care and understanding that you would offer to a close friend or loved one.
Image curtesy of Tim Mossholder on Unsplash.
Some important reminders: grief is a normal and necessary part of the human experience. It is a natural response to loss, and everyone experiences it differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. The grieving process is not linear. You may experience a wide range of emotions at different times, and this is normal.With patience, self-compassion, and support, we can learn to live with our grief and find ways to remember our loved ones with love and joy instead of pain and sorrow.
Zambu Sakala is a final year law student and the Co- founder of The Heal Organization, which aims to raise awareness on mental health in Zambia.
He hosts a podcast with a friend on mental health, called The Heal Podcast . They recently recorded an episode on Grief, you can listen to it by clicking the link below.