Life Lessons From Funerals: Learning Contentment
By: Kiana Blake-Chung
The first funeral I ever attended was for my Great Uncle Teddy, when I was in the fourth grade. I don’t remember much about that funeral because I was distraught. It was my first big experience with grief. Because my family had a rather large generation of older adults, I’ve been to many more funerals since, even attending my dad’s memorial service the year after Uncle Teddy’s.
I’ve come to love funerals. I love hearing the stories that people share about the life of their loved one. I love the loud laughter of reminiscing sprinkled in between the tears; I love the food you eat afterwards. (I love being Black; IYKYK!)
I have only ever been to funerals that were religious in nature and often have some sermon that gets preached, typically on the topic of life after death, the reward in heaven, etc.
My 2024 started with attending the funeral of Mrs. Carolyn Taylor, my dear friend Adiya’s grandmother.
My friend Adiya with her grandmother Mrs. Taylor.
I’d only ever had a few interactions with her in life, but from the stories and the love that my friend carried for her I felt as though she was my extended grandmother as well. The service was so beautiful and everyone spoke of what an incredible woman of God Mrs. Taylor was.
When the pastor spoke, I was pleasantly surprised to find that he didn’t spend the entire time talking about life after death, but rather, how we should live while we are on earth.
I’ll never forget that he said Mrs. Taylor’s greatest quality was that she knew she had purpose and carried herself with the confidence of someone who knew that she added value to every encounter she had, every room she stepped in and any situation she made better just by being present.
Everything she did had purpose and that purpose was to be an extension of God’s love to others. It was evident by the stories in the room that she more than achieved her objective.
As we know, I have conflicting feelings about this concept of a life purpose. I’ve knelt down at many an altar call attempting to leave suicidality behind for good and have been prayed over many times by people who pleaded with God that I would know that my life has purpose. It used to annoy me how often this prayer was spoken over me. Of course I know that my life has purpose the same way I know that Jesus loves me! It’s a given!
Like the sweatshirt says: YOU ARE ENOUGH, even when you don’t feel like it.
As the pastor made us turn to our neighbors and repeat “added value” I realized that knowing I have intrinsic value as a human being and that I make almost all situations better just by being present is a confidence I don’t currently possess.
Just this past week I was wrestling with the lack of a response that I received for an Instagram post. Unbeknownst to me, my metrics had begun to affect my sense of self-worth.
Not too long ago, a good acquaintance slid into my DMs in response to an Instagram story about how I feel like my life as it is is not enticing enough for me to continue living. Her words had a profound effect on me and I screenshot her message to read over and over.
“I think one day the beauty of your life, the moments of joy, the opportunity for community and the thousands of people you made feel a little less alone and a little closer to God will be enough even if you can’t see it as enough right now. If you choose for it to be so.”
I immediately screenshot it to add to the Texts That Saved My Life™ list. What I appreciate about the phrasing of this message is that she pointed out all the ways I’m both blessed and a blessing without invalidating how I feel. I came away with a realization that while happiness is seldom a choice, contentment certainly can be learned.
In this season, I’ve been unlearning that living out my purpose has anything to do with what I produce and everything to do with how I exist in the world. It’s very easy to get caught up and discouraged by numbers that are still in the low 4 digits after four years of building, but I’m seeing with fresh eyes the impact that I can make on those few thousands. Regardless of the numbers, I add value.
Adiya and I, February 2024
I have been thinking about this concept ever since I saw The Color Purple during the winter holiday season. (Yeah, I know, I’m talking about The Color Purple again!)
After Sofia goes to jail, Celie visits her in her cell with a plate of food. We never saw Sofia eat the food or even seemingly appear grateful that she’d gotten a visitor. Later in the movie, after Sofia is out of jail she reveals that Celie visited her at the jailhouse every week, for 6 years. We have no clue if Sofia was responsive at all during those visits and yet, when Sofia turned to Celie at the dinner table and said, “Now I knows there’s a God. Because He’s living in you.” it became clear to me that a simple act of kindness can impress enough hope into a person to inspire them to keep going— even if they don’t have the ability to acknowledge it in the depths of their despair, it makes a difference. I’ve certainly been on the receiving end of that transaction hundreds of times by now and it humbles me to grasp the fact that I am a supplier of that kindness as well.
Mrs. Taylor exemplified this throughout her life, leaving behind an impeccable legacy for those who knew her and who carry on that kindness today.
Holding contentment and ambition in the same hand can be difficult to juggle, but that hand becomes bigger when I realize that all along I’m living out my highest calling.
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