Building Trust In God
I wrote the following post on instagram a month after I got fired from my job:
“I would have liked a quick fix and a solution to all my current problems by finding a job immediately after I got fired. It hasn’t worked out that way. As I walked home on the verge of tears that disappointing night about 20 rats came scrambling out of a dumpster past me. (Rats are like good omens to me.) I heard God say it was gonna be okay and then the tears fell because how?! My response was “I don’t see how.” All I could see was my lack. All I could feel was my fear that I’d get evicted and end up on the street.
It’s a season of trusting God because He is a provider. Since I’ve been fired every week I’ve had people randomly Venmo me money and it’s always come just in time to pay a bill or provide a need.
My wonderful friend found me an amazing opportunity to work a handful of events and I made enough money to pay my rent and had fun doing it!
Leaning on God moment by moment is uncomfortable, I cannot lie; but it gets easier to trust in His provision when you get to continually see how He takes care of you moment by moment.
I am so very blessed and thankful.
And I know that this testimony is only going to get better with time.”
I was interviewing for a job that I was extremely passionate about when I wrote that post. I was sure that I was going to be able to follow up with a miraculous conclusion to the testimony. And then I didn’t get the job.
Nobody likes it when things don’t go their way. I especially hate it and I have been challenging myself in the midst of difficulty to change my perspective. For those that don’t know, I have been without a steady job since May and the past three months have been some of the most stressful, due to worrying about how I will make ends meet. I have referred to this time in my life as my Struggle Era but God has challenged me to view it as my Faith Era.
Snapshot of a mural near Domino Park
If you’re new here, faith is not the most naturally occurring characteristic in my walk with God. But maybe this is why we face hardships at times, so that we can learn to trust God deeper in the midst of our discomfort. I wrote a blog post a few years ago titled Why I hate Jeremiah 29:11 and while I stand by the fact that spouting this scripture at hurt, angry, confused people does more harm than good, my frustration with God not revealing the plans He has to prosper me has lessened. I’ve been leaning into surrender and learning to give up the semblance of control. I’m learning to trust in God’s Sovereignty, the belief that He knows everything and always knows what is best. More specifically, He always knows what is best for ME.
Surrender is a moment by moment action that exercises our faith and builds our trust in Jesus. It is an active choice to say “I don’t know how this is going to turn out for me but God I trust you to take care of me in this area.”
I used to have major issues with this concept and still occasionally grapple with it as well. When you continually lean into the fact that God loves you and whether He moves or doesn’t move on your behalf is still an act of love it is easier to surrender to His wants and desires for your life.
Fighting the natural progression of things by being upset about the way life is unfolding for you is rather unhelpful to the situation and only serves to drive you crazy.
That is more or less what my pastor said to me after my su*c*de attempt. He was right. I wanted so desperately to get married that I was attempting to bend somebody else’s will to get what I want.
I’ve come leaps and bounds since then because I have learned the concept of radical acceptance that is taught in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. Radical acceptance is a mindfulness technique that teaches that when something happens, good or bad, we just accept that it happened. Before we make any attempt to fix it, if fixing it is even possible. Change cannot happen without acceptance.
I have applied to a plethora of jobs since then in a variety of fields and have been rejected from every single one of them despite how qualified I am. It has been baffling. But one thing about God? He’s gonna always take care of His children. You can never call Him a deadbeat dad. My testimony was ongoing in the sense that I am continually being offered gig work or randomly sent money and always just in time to pay a bill or feed myself. I have been blessed beyond measure.
Whenever I would start to worry, I would sing the song Jireh by Elevation Worship and Maverick City Music and meditate on the scripture it was based on, Matthew 6:25-34.
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Captured by Jonathan C.
This verse came in handy recently when I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to donate towards a youth church camp program. I didn’t have any incoming money and God wanted me to donate what I had?! I thought my logic would be faultless when I said, “God, I have no incoming money. If I do this that would take a nice chunk out of what I have.” God replied “but you have it now to give and you can trust me to give you more when you need more.” And he came through for me in a major way.
I am very glad to be able to announce that I finally got a job in the hospitality industry that pays well and will help me take care of my needs more fully.
Furthermore, I won the Creatives Rebuild New York Grant for my work with Mental Health Tings and will finally have some extra money to help me build Mental Health Tings into everything I have envisioned it to become. Won’t He do it?! The good news is that He will and not just for me but also for every one of His children. If you’re going through a period of struggle right now, I challenge you to view it as an opportunity to grow your faith in Him. And I’ll be praying for you to get your breakthrough right on time.
S/O to Adiana R. and Heather S. for editing this blog for me.
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