Faith for a Functional Family Dynamic
Loving Family in Close Quarters
In January, my family was placed on my heart in a way they never have been before. I’ve often felt like as a family we have struggled to get ahead financially and remain in a good place. I know a good half of us have struggled with depression or anxiety and we all have deep wounds from our various traumas. These are all things I’ve known most of my life but it never occurred to me that it could change. The desire for all of us to get along burned in my heart fiercely. The desire to see everybody living their best lives was also kind of new; at least in certain cases where I had written off a couple of individuals as too far gone.
Selfie of Katelin and I
It was actually while listening to the Crazy Faith series by Pastor Michael Todd (surprise, surprise!) that my heart began to change towards my previous attitude. The exact question posed was: “What’s something you’ve never prayed for because that’s just how it’s always been and you never thought to pray for it to change?” Instantly I thought about my family. I wrote out the most extravagant prayer in my journal, pages upon pages praying for our healing, our finances, our futures, our relationships etceteraaaaaa. It was gorgeous. Then two weeks later, everyone showed up on the doorstep and suddenly I was sharing a space with all the people I had been praying for. However... I hated it. I could feel God chuckling at me saying, “You prayed for everybody to become closer!” And that, my friends, speaks on the importance of being specific with your prayers.
Selfie of Candice and I
We had not all been under the same roof in years. The most notable of memories was the summer of 2015, when we went on a family vacation to Hawaii to spread my dad’s ashes into a volcano. (A bizarre wish for a bizarre man, RIP.) It was the most miserable week in paradise I have ever experienced, and we have not all been together since then. (To my knowledge, but also I have a horrible memory so if we didn’t take pictures, it never happened.) I was eagerly looking forward to having another chance at redemption from such an awful time together. Ergo, I rearranged my travel schedule to be home while Korin was going to be in town. (She’s my younger sister who lives in New York City.)
Selfie of Korin and I
I was buzzing with anticipation to have a family meeting. Of course , this meeting faced a lot of resistance. At one point, it seemed like it wouldn’t happen because I was the only one who wanted it to happen. I took a long, angry walk at two in the morning (S/O to distress tolerance), just praying and crying “God why am I the only one who cares?” I felt God say so clearly, “You only prayed ONCE. How are you going to get discouraged at the first sign of resistance?” It was only then that I really took into consideration that what I was asking of God would take years to come to fruition. I had to remain consistent, which for me is hard because as much as I love these people, I do NOT get along with them like that. The past month has had its share of blow ups from all of us, but it’s also had so many beautiful moments.
We ended up having our family meeting which unfortunately my brother, Ken, was not present for. We spoke for a couple hours about leaning into vulnerability and solidifying connection. We spoke on grudges and past hurts that have not yet been let go of, some of which might not be let go of for years still to come. I was practically vibrating with excitement the whole time because of how much progress had occurred.
Selfie of Kalia and I
Kalia and I have had many one on one dates, and she has been instrumental in editing my blog posts recently. Even though he was originally absent from our family meeting, one day I gave Ken an impromptu pep talk about making the best of unfortunate circumstances. In turn, he’s become more considerate and pleasant to live with.
Katelin, Candice, Kalia, me, Ken and mom at Twisted Taco, captured by our waitress.
We even went to Twisted Taco as a family one night. At first, just the ladies were planning on going but then I extended an invitation to Ken. I joked with my big sister Candice before we left, “What will we talk about the whole time? How’s everybody’s Februaries?!” When I led with that in the car, Candice started laughing “Now what will we talk about over dinner?” Dinner ended up being an in-depth discussion where all we talked about was our favorite Marvel movies and characters. At the end of the meal, Candice summed it up by proclaiming, “It was so nice to get to learn so much about each other....’s Marvel preferences.” But it really was so nice. The month featured multiple dog walks with lots of one on one sister time, occasionally even multiple sister times. Often, we would read self-help books aloud while we walked for two hours, or listen to a sermon together, etc.
Candice, Korin and I with Genevieve; captured by Kalia.
Don’t get it twisted! Just because I want everybody to get along does not mean it has been easy for me to always keep the peace. It requires constant prayer, patience (working on that), being considerate of people’s feelings, thinking before you speak (not easy for a Sagittarius) and genuinely apologizing when you say it anyway but feel convicted. (God is so quick to remind me that I was the one praying for a better relationship with these people.) The annoying part is that not everyone shares my goal, so I really do have to lead by example. But I have already seen progress and I can’t wait for, and will keep declaring, that the day will come when the Blake family is going to be an unstoppable force of world changers that all get along and love each other fiercely. I’ll be shouting from the rooftops “All glory to God” when it happens.
Katelin, Candice, Mom, Ken, Kalia, Korin and I at an ihop on our miserable Hawaiian vacation, 2015.
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