SAD on the Campaign Trail:
Brandon’s Journey
If I have learned anything at all while being on planet Earth, it is that time will always move forward, so it is up to you to do the same.I was diagnosed with SAD in the spring of 2017, better known as seasonal affective disorder and more recently anxiety disorder, both of which caused me many problems before and after running my campaign for Mayor in the City of Oxford, Mississippi.
SAD is a seasonal depression that usually begins and ends around the same time each year. Most people perceive depression to be only sadness, especially with a name like SAD, but that could not be further from the truth. Depression isn’t always sadness, it can look like happiness, anger, fear, and any other emotion that you can think of depending on a given situation.
Captured by Brandon Pettis
Anxiety for me is a crippling feeling with a clenching of the chest and sometimes feeling like my throat is closing. Anxiety by the book definition is a feeling of uneasiness, fear, or dread; something that is normal when dealing with a stressful situation in your life.
I knew that my mental health would contribute to some problems during my campaign but I was also determined to not let that deter me from the things I wanted to accomplish for those around me. The campaign itself ran for 148 days and there were the occasional ups and downs. SAD, for me, usually begins in the winter months and dissipates around spring or summer time so I found myself embroiled with the emotions of not only managing my personal life but also life on the campaign trail. There were plenty of moments where I completely put my all into work and did not focus on my personal needs out of habit because it was an exciting but serious time for myself and those around me. Work became an escape from the unhealed emotions I’d been carrying around. Losing the election didn’t come as a shock due to a number of different reasons, but SAD contributed to most of my contingency plans being slowed or halted altogether because I knew it was important that I took time out for my personal life and to get things back in order.
Self Portait of Brandon Pettis
This past year I had a SAD episode unlike any other I’d ever experienced before. I distinctly remember the physical feelings and the mental war I was having inside my head about things completely out of my control. Most people never talk about how mental warfare oftentimes can manifest into physical pains such as headaches or other illnesses within the body. I oftentimes had to force myself out of bed but still opted for staying in my house instead of going in public, not because I was upset about losing, but because I felt like I hadn’t accomplished every goal that I set out to, especially in the ways that I wanted to.I did not feel like myself in public or around family members, to the point where I decided it was best to stay to myself for a while. I knew with this foreign feeling that something was completely wrong, so I turned to my journal and vision board every chance I got in an effort to obtain inner peace and get my feelings out where I could look over them and reflect to get a better understanding.
These feelings went on for about a full three months before everything seemed to return to normal for me. Still– even as I sit here writing this, I have been very curious to get to the root of what could have triggered this episode into being as painful as it was for me (being that I’d never experienced it on this scale before). In retrospect, these limitations have, without a shadow of a doubt, affected my work of creating a better environment surrounding others but limitations are all they are and I remind myself of that everyday before doing anything. Journaling or writing has and continues to be an outlet for me to express myself authentically and better connect with others on this journey. Beyond journaling/writing and the vision board, I am a big environmentalist; I believe that nature is a cure-all for any problem that a person may be experiencing in life. It is crucial in my opinion that you fill your mind with new experiences and surround yourself with people who love you as you love them.
Captured by Brandon Pettis
Despite losing the election, I was able to get more people involved in the discussion about decisions being made that ultimately can affect them. There were plenty of times when I wanted to cancel an event or even constantly ask myself which was more important to me: my mental state or the profession I’m pursuing.
I decided to tell my story here, a year later, because I want people to know living with mental illness isn’t a bad thing, given everything we have experienced with worldly events. I spent a great portion of my campaign actually discussing mental health last year because I do believe it is time that we work towards breaking the stigma surrounding the discussion so that we may reach and help others who are silently battling things. This pandemic has been a burden to everyone’s mental health and the only way we’ll get through it is by openly discussing it with each other while simultaneously reminding ourselves that through the power of love we will be alright. To say that I am now completely healed would be a lie but the healing journey is never ending and one that I have become deeply committed to for the purpose of better helping others move forward. I am not a victim of mental illness, but a survivor and a thriver.
Written By: Brandon Pettis
Edited by: Kiana Blake-Chung
Brandon Pettis is a 19 year old political and mental health advocate seeking to bring together different groups of life as well as uplifting voices wherever he can. He ran for Mayor in 2021 as the first gay black male in Northeastern Mississippi and is among the youngest group of people to have pursued public office in the United States of America at age 18.