Mental Health Tings:
Documenting Experiences
with Mental Illness
& Neuro-Divergence
My Diagnosis, My Superpower, My Kyrpotonite
I told my pre-pandemic therapist, “There is something wrong with me. There is something else going on. I am 0 to 100. I don’t have any inbetween.” I had written a journal entry late-middle school to early high-school with those exact words.
The Systemic Toll of Psychosis
In college, I moved day to day not knowing I had bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed just weeks after I graduated following a severe breakdown. During that breakdown and further along into my hospitalization at two different psych wards for a total of six weeks I went through extreme psychosis.
Hypomania:
I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 back in 2016. Several times I have questioned the validity of this diagnosis and each time my professionals have reminded me that I’ve experienced both hypomania and depressive symptoms. I used to argue with them but after one incident in September 2019 I have come to accept that I do, in fact experience hypomania.
Cycling
I know that recovery is not linear and yet? Every time I start to cycle I feel like a failure which may be why I never want to share when I’m not feeling well.So what to do when I feel like I am spiraling/ cycling into feeling poorly?
Pros and Cons to Mental Illness Medication
One of the first things you’re told when you’re diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder is that you will have to be on medication for the rest of your life. When I heard that I was distraught. It’s a hard pill to swallow, pun intended, and I even bawled my eyes out the first time to do so come. The nurse on duty at the psychiatric hospital I was staying in was very kind and understanding. She told me not to be ashamed. She asked me if I judged people with cancer for having to get chemotherapy and assured me that there was no difference between the two. I would come to hear similar sentiments echoed in the following months.
Accepting My Diagnosis As My Disability
God literally designed my brain to work exactly the way it does. ‘Mentally ill,’ ‘Bipolar’ and ‘Borderline’ are not arbitrary labels I have accepted; they’re not mindsets that I’ve adopted. Bipolar Disorder is a physical disability, comparable to dementia. Yes, it’s happening primarily in my mind but it’s very real. “The brain is an organ that can malfunction like any other.“